my fascination.

Yes, this does happen to be a woman that I find very attractive. Not only with looks, but her personality is so awesome. I know whoever is reading this probably doesn’t care, but I just wanted to get this off my chest.

Ever since I met Randi, she has always been so kind and so open it amazes me. She is finishing up her math education degree (as she is a senior) and she isn’t going to be around campus all that much this upcoming semester, and honestly, I’m going to miss her. A lot. There’s a lot of things that I wish I could tell her, but am just going to let be. Hence, that’s why I’m writing here. I know she’s never going to see this, so it’s okay.

When I met her, of course, she enthusiastically ran up and introduced herself, and ever since then, I’ve been in love with her (not real love, but you know what I mean). She visited us all the time in our suites and always brought a smile to my face. She still does. And although she is flirty all the time, I know it’s all in good fun. She’s also super smart. I mean, c’mon. A math major. That’s all you need to know to realize that she is very intelligent. And of course, you can hold an intelligent conversation with her, which sadly, isn’t too common among people these days. I know with that math education major, she will make an excellent teacher.

I’ve grown to appreciate her over these past few years as well. She’s always willing to help out anyone, and be a best friend to them. Last semester, she invited me to a country concert (Blake Shelton and Chris Young), and I loved every minute of it. Not only because I’m a enthusiast of country music and they were fantastic performers, but because she was there too. Of course, I tried to shrug off that feeling that I had feelings for her there, but they only continued to resurface. Never have I brought it up with her how I feel because I feel like it would get very awkward very fast. But with that country concert, I found some of the songs she really likes (i.e. Tomorrow by Chris Young, Gettin’ You Home by Chris Young, and Who Are You When I’m Not Looking by Blake Shelton) and learned them on guitar for her. Not to mention the countless Carrie Underwood songs I’ve learned because those feelings have resurfaced and inspired me to learn them, not to show off to her, but because they remind me of her smile and all around amazingness.

I know she isn’t perfect. No one is. But she doesn’t have to be perfect. She doesn’t have to even be close. She is Randi and I think she is perfect just the way she is. I know she can be flirty, and that’s just her, but I know someday she’ll be an awesome teacher, and an even more awesome mother and wife.

PS. I could go on for days, but I think you get the picture. I’m sorry to rant on and on, I just wanted to get this off my chest. Thanks for bearing through this with me. I’m sure if you’ve made it this far, you’ve felt like this about someone before as well and I really appreciate you reading all the way through this.

Edit (1/18/2012): Well we are back in school, and I’ve seen her a few times. And wow. She has to dress up all the time because she is doing essentially teacher interning and training. And wow, she looks really good. Not like that you pervs. She’s beautiful. And I don’t want to say I’m in love with her because I don’t think I know her well enough to say that, but she is stunning in every way possible. Let’s just say I think she’s swell.

Edit (1/25/2012): Well, it’s one week later, and nothing has changed really. I swear I can’t shake these feelings/emotions. She hasn’t even done anything spectacular recently, it’s just that she is exactly that. Spectacular.

(2/11/2012): It’s currently 1:03AM and it just occurred to me that this will NEVER happen. Well I guess as they say, “qué sera sera.”

Edit (2/17/2012): Wow, I guess this gets updated like every week now… I feel so ashamed that I can’t not talk about this. It’s so pathetic. I just. Don’t. I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling at the moment. Nor can I relate it to anything else, as it is heart-wrenching. Have you ever just watched a someone you know that you had feelings for just walk by you every day not noticing you, or not realizing what they do has every effect on you possible? That’s how I feel a lot. There are many times where I wish I was “on the outside” watching, instead of being the epicenter of it, because it would feel so much better. I wish there was an off switch. I wish I couldn’t feel what I’m feeling. I’m feeling… um, heartbreak. Restlessness. Unease. Helplessness. Any other bad feeling you could put in there, I’m probably feeling it. It sucks. And there’s nothing I can do about it. Blarghhh. All the time there are so may butterflies in my stomach, it almost feels unnatural. Probably because it is. OK, I’m done ranting. For today anyway. I’m sure I’ll be back later to talk/complain about this more.

Edit (2/17/2012): You know what? What in the world did I do to deserve this?

Edit (3/6/2012): So, I had taken this down for, let’s just say, personal reasons previously, and now I feel like I can post it back. More or less, I was inspired by a dream. Sort of. I’ll explain later.

Edit (5/17/2012): You know what’s funny? I don’t remember that dream from like 2 months ago. Darn my procrastination. Anyway, back to the point of this edit. I’m not going to say that my feelings for Randi have completely fallen by the wayside, but I will say that they are definitely not as strong anymore (thank goodness) and (hopefully) I am past that point, and I plan to move on. It’s tough, but I suppose things happen for a reason. This was quite a journey though, and one that I won’t forget anytime soon.